What if parenting with kindness could transform your daily life? Positive parenting offers a gentle approach, without yelling or threats, to strengthen your bond with your child while establishing clear rules.
What is positive education?
Positive parenting is a teaching method that combines kindness and firmness for a child’s holistic and harmonious development. Inspired by positive psychology, this approach is based on principles such as mutual respect, valuing effort, and emotional management.
Unlike traditional methods based on rewards and punishments, positive parenting emphasizes encouragement and understanding. It encourages children to express their emotions, reflect on the consequences of their actions, and find solutions to problems. This approach seeks to strengthen self-esteem, autonomy, and social skills.
Parents and educators play an important role in establishing a safe, structured, but non-authoritarian environment.
Who invented positive education?
Positive education wasn’t invented by a single individual; it emerged from a crossroads of philosophical, psychological, and pedagogical currents. It draws primarily on the work of positive psychology, a discipline founded by American psychologist Martin Seligman in the 1990s that explores the factors that promote well-being and fulfillment.
Major figures such as Jane Nelsen, author of the book “Positive Discipline,” have contributed to the popularization of this approach by offering practical tools to guide parents and teachers towards caring educational practices.
The influence of Marshall Rosenberg emphasized the importance of empathy, listening to needs, and peaceful conflict resolution, which are pillars of positive parenting.
Finally, this approach has its roots in the theories of Maria Montessori, who advocated an education that respected the needs of the child, and in the work of Jean Piaget and Carl Rogers, who emphasized autonomy, understanding, and support in the development of the child.
Ultimately, positive education is a synthesis of interdisciplinary thinking, adapted to current issues to help children flourish in a balanced and respectful environment.
1 Practice active and empathetic listening for a respected and respectful child
Introduced by psychologist Carl Rogers, active listening is taken up by Dr. Thomas Gordon in the book Effective Parenting . According to him, this communication technique is a powerful way to establish a strong bond with the child who freely expresses his annoyances.
The method involves taking the time to listen to what’s on their mind to understand what’s going on. Then, mirroring what they’ve expressed to ensure their discomfort is properly understood, without interpreting. Active listening has many benefits, including leading the child to:
- better develop and clarify one’s thinking in a reassuring environment
- feel less guilty about the negative feelings he experiences
- find their solutions;
- strengthen his relationship with his father or mother
Little by little, he becomes more receptive to his parents’ messages. And a child who is listened to is more likely to be so with others, especially his dad and mom.
2 Limiting power struggles is essential to apply positive education daily
Positive parenting practices are not synonymous with laxity. Indeed, even in this kind of parenting style, there are rules to follow. The parent simply expresses them differently: with authority and gentleness. This translates, when there is a problem, into empowering the child by involving them in the solution rather than resorting to fear to make them obey.
As with the Montessori method, corporal punishment and other punishments are therefore excluded in favor of non-violent communication practices such as:
- Give him a logical consequence for his action: “because you… He doesn’t want to play with you anymore.”
- Encourage him to make a gesture of reparation: “What if you went to apologize to him?”
Punishing and coercing a child forces them into blind submission, while calmly explaining allows them to self-discipline. This is no longer a confrontational relationship, but rather a cooperative one.
“An order makes you want to break it. Feelings inspire respect.” Isabelle Filliozat.
When it comes to an upcoming outing or event, the best way to avoid tantrums is to anticipate them. Giving meaning to the rules and developing them together prepares the child to follow them more easily because they feel involved.
There’s everything to be gained by breaking away from the power struggles that create a negative atmosphere and recurring conflicts. And for a perfect combo, you need to add an essential ingredient: love!
3. Generously fill your child’s love tank
When there’s a tantrum, it’s easy to be tempted to isolate your child to regain some calm. But in reality, you should do the opposite by giving them even more affection and gentleness. This is what Isabelle Filliozat advocates in her book, ” I’ve Tried Everything .”
Because it’s no secret: love is the fuel of children (and adults, too). So, to avoid running out of fuel and causing anger, overexcitement, or even fatigue, there are two ways to refill it.
- Through verbal communication: “I love you,” “I love spending time with you,” “well done,” “that outfit fits you like a glove,” “you’re right,” “your drawing is very beautiful,” etc.
- Through non-verbal communication: a kiss, a hug, a big smile, tickles, an outstretched hand, a kind look, a thumbs up, etc.
Demonstrations of love are essential for a child to feel safe and thrive. The most daunting of these: spending quality time together. These moments can take the form of a song or dance, reading a story, getting together around a game ( we have a great one for you! ), making a cake, etc.
It’s important to remember that when a child’s need for contact isn’t met, their brain circuits are lacking. Thus, tantrums, tantrums over the slightest thing, and other excessive behaviors are signs of nervous system distress. Conversely, affection or attention provides the body with a healthy dose of oxytocin (the happy hormone).
